BREAST CANCER/PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS: COLLEGE AGE AND ADULT SONS AND DAUGHTERS

We have heard college age and adult sons and daughters of mothers with breast cancer describe the fear of being excluded from the real situation at home and their anger when they discover that certain details have indeed been kept from them during their absence in order to spare them unnecessary worry. We have also known many who opt to maintain some distance and separation from what is happening at home. As is the case with their younger siblings, most college age and young adult children will do fine as long as they are given honest information and the chance to participate or not, as they choose.

Some adult children may try a combination of different coping mechanisms, sometimes fully engaging in social situations, sometimes retreating and withdrawing from peers, except those who also have a parent struggling with a life-threatening disease. At other times, these young adults might find solace in rituals that provide comfort; some are based in conventional religious practices and others are less traditional in origin. Still other adult children might display different forms of rebellion, such as a predilection for unusual risk-taking activities.

Having a mother (or father) who goes through cancer is likely to impact significantly how a young person thinks about, and shapes, major life decisions. The extent to which this medical crisis affects the maturing children depends on whether or not the cancer treatment succeeds in vaulting the patient into remission. In most cases when the treatment is, or appears to be, successful, the children go on about their business. Obviously, when a family is not so fortunate, and the patient’s condition worsens, the effect is profoundly different.

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