THE SEX PHASES OF COURTSHIP / RECEPTIVE PHASE: THE RECEPTION

You don’t just say “Hey great, IVe been hoping you would ask me out.” It takes the challenge away, and without the challenge of the chase, there is no energy behind the whole thing. You still have to chase them until they catch you.

MEDICAL STUDENT

Acknowledging that a bonding invitation has been sent to you is one of the riskiest steps in the bonding process. How can you trust your senses, even your own ears? Does he really mean it? Why would she be interested in me? Maybe he’s just being funny? Maybe she’s teasing? I’ll look like a fool if I take this seriously, but I hate to miss the chance just in case this is serious. All of these thoughts can occur almost simultaneously when a bonding invitation is perceived.

One of the thousands husbands recounted the following story. “She asked me up for a drink after the show. I have always had trouble with this ‘up for a drink’ thing. I sort of used to go into my ‘get ready for sex’ mode, but sometimes it just means up for a drink. It’s hard to tell. She told me to have a seat. That’s not an easy thing. Do you take a chair or the couch? She said, ‘Make yourself comfortable. I’m going to get real comfortable myself.’

‘ ‘Now I really went into sex mode two. How do you get yourself comfortable sitting for the first time in someone’s apartment? I took off my tie, unbuttoned my shirt, kicked off my shoes, and moved to the couch. I even rolled up my sleeves. I was getting aroused.

“She returned to the room and I felt like a jerk. ‘What do you think you’re doing, moving in?’ she said. She had changed to jeans and paint shirt. ‘I’m finishing sanding my old table. Get yourself a drink and let yourself out, will you? I don’t want to drag dust through the carpet.’

“I made up some cover lie. I think I said something like, ‘Oh, I just can’t stand that tight collar and jacket. I think I’ve gained a little weight and it’s all too tight.’ I even went into greater detail trying to save face. What a night.”

Just as proception requires vulnerability and directness, reception requires a lowering of defenses, taking major risks. It requires sufficiently resilient self-esteem to endure the knocks we all receive in the bonding process. We have to be arrogant enough to assume that someone wants us and humble enough to remember that many people would choose to have nothing to do with us. Is the other person sure? Am I sure?

Do you remember taking the risk? Do you remember allowing yourself to feel that someone you wanted really wanted you?

*49\97\8*